Here we go again...

It is close to five in the morning here and I can't seem to sleep. It is Monday Morning and a Holiday, but my family and I will not be enjoying any camping or boating today. Actually, maybe some of you would consider what my parents and I are doing right now to be camping, but I don't. I would much rather have awakened in the woods somewhere in the midst of the scent of pine or redwood.

My Mom and Dad are fast asleep and we are on the ninth floor of the UCFS Medical Center in San Francisco. I was transported here by ambulance from Kaiser Hospital in Manteca on Saturday evening. I am here to be evaluated by their team of liver transplant specialists. My parents drove five hours from Redding to be at my side. I can tell that they are scared, but they do all that they can to hide that fact from me. Even though she tries to not show her sadness, when you see your Mother walk into a room with red eyes and puffy cheeks it is pretty obvious that she has been somewhere crying.

Anyway, I am starving because I have not eaten in almost two days because they are wanting to keep my system clear for tests. Hopefully I can eat today. Any minute now someone could come to draw my blood or take my vitals even though I recall them saying to me, "Try to get some rest while you are here Mr. Porras." Could you rest when someone wants to stab you every few hours in the middle of the night? I always want to ask them if I can visit their home and stab them as they to to sleep. They would probably find that to be a bad plan.

I will get through this morning and when the sun rises I will deal with testing today like I did yesterday. Food may or may not come my way today. Results could be very good or they could be very bad. Either way, I am ready to do what it takes to ride this all out. Every time that I get really sad or really depressed I take out my Blackberry and push a button to wake the little miracle worker up. When it wakes it displays a photo of Grace and Lauren, my two incredible, beautiful and totally inspirational daughters. Do they know that I am alive because of them? Do they understand that I fight like this for them? I can't not beat this. I have graduations and weddings in my future. I long to meet my grandchildren one day.

Enjoy a beautiful day with your family today in Modesto. I have everything that I could ever need here. I was fortunate enough yesterday to have my folks face the big city (a big deal for them) and make their way down to Stockton Street to the Apple Store where they bought me a shiny new Apple Macbook laptop. I hear that the aluminum models with nifty new features that will match my new iMac at home come out later this month and I could have waited but time is just too damn precious anymore to wait for anything. Besides, this laptop will do just fine. It will allow me to keep in touch with the people that I need to keep in touch with and keep my schedule together. I don't need anything more than that. I have become a pretty simple guy lately. My heart has become softer as my liver has gotten weaker I suppose.

A rather cheerful woman named Lolita Lisbon just left my room with several vials of my blood. The needle hurt because my veins have gone through their own personal hell lately but I am fine. She was kind enough to use a butterfly needle and that always reduces the pain. I would give anything for a few graham crackers and one of those little apple juice boxes that hospitals so often serve. I am laying down but I know that if I was to get up right now that I would be very dizzy. She took so much blood from me. They always do.

Like I wrote a couple of paragraphs ago, have a nice day with your family today. Today is a KFC, mash potato, corn and biscuit day that should be savored. Everything tastes better when mom serves it up. That my friends is an unshakable law of nature.

I'll try my best to enjoy my view of the city today. I'll try my best to feel alive and as content as possible as I sit here with my feet raised as high as possible to help eliminate the swelling in my feet. I am so blessed to be here. Thank God for incredible medical insurance, gorgeous children, good friends and parents like mine. My support system is something that doctors and nurses always ask me about. It feels pretty damn good to say, "I am fine in that regard. An entire city has my back." I write that as uncontrollable tears run down my face. Thank you for being there for for me. You all have no idea how much that you touch the life of this broken man. Because of you I may not have to broken much longer.

Smile today,

Motown Mojo/Ruben Porras
The luckiest guy in the whole world.